Growing Pains

I’ll put my problems in a poem,
I’ll write my stresses in some stanzas.
Since the troubles of my life,
Leave me like Dorthy,
Alone, scared, and definitely not in Kansas.

My head is full of worries,
My heart is full of sorrow.
My courage is fading quickly,
While I think about tomorrow.

I face my world with a mask,
Bravery that I make up just for me,
It hides the way I really feel,
Like how levees stay the sea.
And I never take it off,
Because I don’t want to say what’s wrong.
And I don’t want to cry,
I want you to know that I am strong.

I used to think that I was pretty,
I used to know that I was smart.
Now all I have is sketchy grades,
And a slowly breaking heart.
I used to be cute and clever,
I had friends and fame and fun,
But then I went to college,
And now I’m coming undone.

I don’t where to turn,
I don’t know where to look.
I don’t have anyone to talk to,
Though I feel like an open book.

You say you know my name,
You think you know my heart.
But it’s always just the same,
It’s felt like the end, even from the start.

They say that this is when we learn,
About the world, and more about ourselves.
But I’m learning things I don’t like,
And putting friends on shelves.

Put away like books,
and toys and tricks and dolls,
That I loved with all my heart,
and they served their time,
But they don’t ever last,
Almost like loving me is a crime.

And the heartbreak runs like clockwork,
It can be calculated and foreseen.
I love with all my heart and die again,
Losing the love and all I worked for,
With only time and memories in-between.

I watch, as you grow without me,
Knowing I can’t keep you close,
As I become your second choice,
Memories haunting me like ghosts.
I can’t make you laugh or smile,
And need me less and less.
You’re a man now, I know,
You’ve outgrown me, is my guess.

And soon they’ll all be gone,
The people that I care for,
The ones who broke my heart,
The ones I’m always there for.
The people in my dreams,
Those that hold my heart,
The stitches of my fragile seams,
And the colors in my art.
The beats against my eardrums
In my lonely symphony.
The beats against my ribcage,
Living forever in me.

So although the pain is real,
And the reality is cruel,
All I can do is smile,
And try to stay in school.
I trudge along, despite myself,
Alone, and sad, and broken,
Knowing that faith keeps me going,
A secret strength unspoken.

And if it hurts now,
And I feel the pain of life,
That someday it will all work out,
I will be rewarded for my strife.

Though right now it feels,
Despite my simple hope,
That the answer to all my dreams,
For right now, is simply “Nope.”